December 2016
The line between hobby, occupation and passion is becoming very important for me. Yet the more I think on it, the less it gets defined. I think of myself as a pragmatic person. So when someone asks “What would you do if money were no object?” it seems like a forgone idea. I put almost no amount of thought into answering that question before denying the premise of it.
When I think back, the one turning point in my outlook on the future came in the focus program. There were multiple outside factors including application deadlines and my fellow student’s choices of either medicine, commerce or engineering, but, for me, reality set in when we were asked to sort ourselves into our desired professions. I ended up with the nerdy, timid graphic designers, while the smarter, louder group of desiring architects sat across the room. In that moment, the reality of the career choice I was making set in. I mean, I had thought of the struggle of being a graphic designer and the twisted path it would bring to my life but this pushed me over the edge.
I realize this seems dramatic. And the associations I am making with an entire profession based on this sample size are ridiculous. But, even reflecting back on this moment, I don’t think I could’ve changed my mind.
So I grasped on the whatever was closest. That turned out to be architecture. Why did is do this? Personally, I explain it to myself as a"need to be challenged". Although, my logic surrounding that is definitely sketchy. I don’t want to be left behind or looked down on or be thought less of.
More seriously though, my other concern is that my fire will burn out. That I’ll become lazy or unmotivated. That everything will become less important and blasé to me. When that moment comes, where will I be? Working a well paying engineering job? or struggling as a graphic designer where the only thing keeping food in the table is my passion. In my view that risk is large, compounded by the fact that I have a very comfortable safety net of two wealthy doctors that wouldn’t let me starve.
It all comes down to perspective. Whether I consciously realize it or not, I am constantly comparing myself to my KCVI peers. The ones that I know. And every single one is either in medicine, commerce or engineering. I compare myself to them and realize that theirs is a more pragmatic, safe approach to a career. I read about unemployment and undergrads waiting table. I read about people not having enough money to retire. I read about graphic designers doing multiple hours of work for next to nothing. Is following my “passion” really worth that risk? So far, I would say no.